ONE YEAR STRONG!

How can the year have gone so fast?!  How is it that this disease has all of a sudden taken a permanent  place in our home?  I still remember the days leading up to Hudson's diagnosis as if it were just yesterday.  Its a constant stream of film, a constant play of scenes and stills of memories frozen in time that play through my head as I sit and reflect on the day Hudson's life was changed forever.  A day Hudson's life was saved, a day that is etched in our minds as a day our son's life hung in the balance as we frantically packed our bags in slow motion, taking everything we could think of to make his stay in the hospital as comfortable as we could.  I remember the night before diagnosis.  The night I searched the internet for hours, trying to find another logical explanation to why Hudson was having all the symptoms he was having.. Searching for something that said " Symptoms of dehydration" or "Food Allergy" trying so hard to ignore the diagnosis that kept coming up website after website.  That night, I couldn't sleep.  I was scared for the morning.. scared for what was to come... to restless to sleep.
I remember barely being able to make it through the morning... and making the phone call to our clinic as soon as they opened to get Hudson in for blood work.  It was like I was in a daze, but still having the memories to haunt you for the rest of your life.  I remember the instant support we got of a friend who was willing to drop everything, to find a sitter for her 3 kids and come with us to the clinic.  I remember sitting with my than 3 month old daughter and having Hudson lay on the chairs in the clinic waiting room, on the verge of puking out of panic and fear as we waited for our names to be called.  I remember sitting in the doctor's office, fighting with the blood team, insisting that they needed to do this, that they needed to test him.  I can't imagine what would have happened if I would have listened to them when they said " We have never seen someone this young get type 1.. are you sure that those are his symptoms?!"  The blood curdling screams that came from my almost 3 year old is enough to haunt your dreams as they began to take his blood to test...  No one should have to hold their little child down like that, pinning him down just to get a few vials of blood that would eventually  prove that his life was changed forever.  To this day, Hudson still wants to go back to the hospital!! He wants to go back to play in their toy room.. he wants to go back so he can ride on the "Alligators" He wants to go back, because that is the place that he started to feel better.. The place that treated him like gold, the place where his life was restored!
I will never forget the overwhelming sense of peace and calm that filled our hospital room as our little boy fought for his life that first night.  I will never forget the sense of love we felt when we kept updating our facebook from the family room of the hospital and logging on to read hundreds of supportive comments.  The one scene that keeps going through my mind was when the lab techs would come up a few times a day to take MORE blood from my little boy's bruised arm.  I left the room every time.  Not because I didnt want to be there for my little boy, but because I couldn't handle it.  I couldn't sit there and watch.  His screams still echo through the hallways of my mind.  The panic and the hurt and fear that would be in his little eyes as I re entered his room and gazed on his tear stained face was enough to break my heart over and over.  But, through our 5 day stay in that hospital I learnt how to be strong for my little boy, we learnt how to become stronger as a family, my husband and I learnt to lean on each other and grew closer as a result.  The other moment etched in my mind was on day 2 of being in the hospital and feeling so overwhelmed, so helpless, and so restless.  Hudson finally had fallen asleep after a night full of night terrors and my husband had fallen asleep with him that afternoon.  I didn't know where to go, but finally wandered down to the hospital's chapel.  There, I sat, and began to read their book full of prayer requests from hundreds of other people like me, seeking peace and calm in the  midst of our storm.  I began to write as tears stained the page.  I would love to go back and read what I had written in those moments.  I would love to see how far we have come!
The moments I remember most are not the nights where we sat in our cramped room, praying and crying, and clinging to eachother, but the moments where we were given a new room.. a bigger room. a room where there was a place for all 3 of us to sleep.  It was the day after the night of Hudson's constant night mares and cold sweats .. the day we were allowed to take his IV off and give him a bath!  He was so excited and it probably felt SO much better to feel clean and refreshed! I will never forget the cute little eyebrow lift he gave the student nurses when they told him his hair was so clean and shiny and they loved his spikey hair.. SO ADORABLE!!  That day we were moved to a room with its own bathroom, its own tub and a view of outside.  All the rooms on the Peds floor had TVs with full cable for free so we constantly had on Hudson's favorite cartoons ( the free tv was donated to the Peds ward from someone who must have known the agony of having to stay up there and the pleasure and familiarness it brings to children in an unfamiliar environment) That person would have been on my list of people to thank if I was given a chance!
That room holds for me not memories of fear, but memories of learning.  Learning how to care for my son.  The night nurse on those last few days was a nurse who was incredible!  No question was too dumb, no tear was left to dry on its own, and her eyes were filled with love and concern for our little boy! She helped him in making his "Scrawny Ronnie" the name given to his IV who Hudson thought was a robot FOR SURE.. Scrawny Ronnie made us laugh.. he was given something cute every time she visited, whether it was new antennas for Scrawny Ronnie, bigger googly eyes, or a cute new robot face. This nurse was just plain incredible.  She offered support not only to Hudson but to myself.  I was terrified to give my little guy his pen needles, and while my husband did an incredible job stepping up to the plate, I still could not get my mind around the fact that my son had this disease for life.  This terrifying, unpredictable, life threatening disease.  I am so thankful for the support from my husband and the nursing team at LRH.  Through their coaching, as well as my son who kept saying "Mommy, You can do it!" I gave Hudson his first pen needle the day of his birthday.  That day, Hudson's birthday was actually alot more fun than I had imagined it would be.  From the noisy guitar toy the nurses gave to him, to the colorful array of streamers, balloons and banners that hung, transforming Hudson's hospital room into a sea of happiness and joy.  That night, as we tucked our than newly turned 3 son, we lay on our tummies and watched the snowflakes dance outside our window.  With the lights off in our hospital room, the constant hum coming from Scrawny Ronnie and the  warm glow of the courtyard light, we watched each flake fall and as we lay there, again, peace and calmness filled our hearts.  Thats the night the blessings fell :)  In our home, when it snowed outside, it meant for us, Blessings.  And that night, cuddling my little boy, who was thriving on the insulin therapy he was being given, I had my little blessing laying right beside me, alive and well, and being his little goofy self.  
The next day we were given a pass to take Hudson home, just a 24 hour pass, But I was beyond terrified.  How was I going to keep him alive?  How was i going to remember every thing we were taught?!  I was panicked. But, we made it home.  Home with our family back together.  My mom and sister had taken our than 3 month old baby girl while we we were in the hospital so that we could focus on learning how to care for Hudson.  She was not allowed to come up to peds ward since there were 3 other babies her age up there with RSV and those babies were right beside our room.  It was good to come home and have our family all together again.  I can't imagine Tenley not growing up without her brother.  They are the cutest together.  He loves her completely and she looks up to him in adoration.
That first night home we went to Rene's parents for supper and I was again, filled with so much fear and was so oeverwhelmed with everything.  What was I going to feed him. how am I supposed to know how many carbs is in this meal??  I just remembered thinking.. how am I going to get through this?  How am I ever going to remember all these steps and numbers and how to count carbs to keep Hudson safe and healthy. How am I going to know how much insulin to give him to cover his meals?  But with anything and everything, it just becomes second nature.  I can now tell you the carb content of a serving of almost anything.. it just becomes second nature.  If I could have told my self than what I knew now, I think I would have saved myself alot of stress and tears.. but tears bring out the strength you never knew you had.  And because of the support we received instantly and still are receiving, it makes it easier to believe in the progress that we have made and are continuing to make.  
Those 5 days are engraved in my memory for life.  Etched on my heart is the cries of my little boy, the prayers and support of faithful friends as well as love from strangers.  Hope took the place of fear.  I dont know when, I dont know how, but it has and we live our days more fully knowing that these days are gifts to us.  
There are so many people to thank for their support, their knowledge, their shoulders we used to cry on, the people who carried us when we couldn't walk on our own, and the people who have taken Hudson and just loved him and accepted him
To Jane, our Diabetes Educator.  Without you this year, and your acceptance of Hudson we would still be a mess :)
To my mom, who has learnt so early on how to care for Hudson so that we can have date nights, just Rene and I once a week.  And for being there for us through tears and joy.  For watching Tenley while we were in the hospital.
To my amazing sister who also watched Tenley for us a year ago, and for being the kind of Auntie Hudson looks up to.  I am so proud that you have taken it upon yourself to learn as much as you can about his disease and probably a whole lot more than I do at the moment :)
To my dad as well, for being there and listening to me.  
To Rene's family who were constantly calling and checking up on us in the hospital.. bringing food Hudson actually liked rather than forcing him to eat that hospital food.. thank you.  Thank you too for learning how to care for Hudson as well.  It makes it easier to leave him for a few hours knowing he is in safe capable hands.. :)
Thank you to Hudson's Sunday School teachers.  You girls are incredible!!  
To Hudson's Gymnastics coaches and Soccer Coach - Thank you for not placing limitations on him. Thank you for understanding that sometimes he has bad days and encouraging him to push through them.
To our amazing pharmacists who will drop everything to help us... going out of their way to find things for us that will make Hudson's care easier and as up to date as possible.
To all our friends who have stood by us and held us when we needed it the most.. who have been there as a shoulder to cry on and been there to celebrate with us when we have overcome things with flying colors.  Thank you is not enough!
To the Warren Family who have made this year a little brighter for us. Their little son, Tye, was diagnosed a few weeks after Hudson and they have become such close buddies even though they live 3 provinces away.  You guys have been such a source of inspiration and support through this first year.. and hopefully for years to come as we continue to grow and learn together in this.
And to the Diabetes Online Community.. thank you thank you thank you!!  Without you girls, those late night panic attacks would not have been eased.. those "stupid" questions would have gone unanswered.  I have learnt so much from all of your experiences and I am so grateful that we have you all as an amazing resource!!!