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Once we finally arrived at the Emergency I saw it right away... the bright orange paper on the receptionist's desk.  The one that said Hudson - Critical with the name of the Pediatrician I was supposed to ask for.  My heart sank.  Rene had gone to park the van and I was left standing alone in line staring at the paper that now said to everyone who looked at it that something was wrong with my beautiful son.  I finally made it up to the front of the line and pointed at the piece of orange paper and all I could say was "Thats for us"  We immediatley were rushed around the corner where I was admitting Hudson into the care of people I have never met before.  Hudson refused to wear his admission bracelet and threw a tantrum.  We sat in one of the cold, uncomfortable waiting room chairs for the pediatrician to come.  Hudson began to sing his favorite song...a song he would sing throughout our whole time at the hospital... "My God is so BIG, so STRONG and so MIGHTY  there is nothing my God can not do for YOU!"  Rene finally showed up after parking the vehicle and sat down in silence.  It was like we were in the middle of a dream .. and both of us refused to accept it as reality.  Hudson in the meantime began to cry and cry, complaining that he was hungry.  We were not allowed to feed him we were told , because it could spike his blood sugar even higher than what it was and could cause a coma for sure.  So I just rocked him and let him cry, while curious onlookers began to question my ability as a mother.. I wanted to yell at all of them.. I wanted to tell them that he was very sick and was not allowed to eat... but I didn't.. I just glared right back as I held his fragile body even closer to me.  Suddenly a mom from the corner of the room opened up her packed bag of snacks and began to give her kids a snack.. right in our line of vision..  Hudson of course spotted this and began to cry for a muffin.  I didn't know what to do.  This mom gently leaned over and said.. "I have more if he wants one... they are homemade"  so as politely as I could.. I told her that no, he was NOT allowed to have a snack.. he has diabetes and was advised to not have anything.  All she said as she lowered her eyes was "I am so sorry to hear that"  Luckily we were finally called away.  The put us in a ER Exam room that was made for kids.. with creepy drawings and paintings all over the walls and a tiny bed for us to sit on.  A sliding glass door kept us secluded from all the other rooms with their cotton curtained walls.  We watched Dora for an hour before anyone came into the room.  Lucky for us there was a TV.. I cant imagine keeping a toddler busy for that length of time with nothing to entertain him.. Especially when they are beginning to wonder what is going on.  Finally, it all began.  All the blood work.  My traumatized 2 year old sat on my lap as I restrained him so that the lab could take more of his precious blood to test and re test.  By this point Hudson had had enough.  He began to cry, to scream, to throw a fit.  I would too if I had to have blood taken like that 2 times in one day!!  It was now almost 7 in the evening.  He had had nothing to eat since lunch time so we were all on edge!  Meeting the pediatrician for the first time allowed us to understand the severity of what was going on... what was happening to our little boy and why he needed to be here..  he explained to us what had happened to Hudson as we tried to find a trigger point of what could have caused this gene in Hudson to trigger diabetes... it was his flu.. the flu way back on New Years Eve.
Thats when the nurses came to put in an IV for Hudson.  I almost threw up right there... for all of you who know me... I HATE NEEDLES... the nurses told us that we might want to leave the room for this and wait in the hall... it would be hard to see, and than we could come back into the room as heros.
I was torn between what I thought a mom should do.. and what I myself wanted to do.  I didn't want to leave him in there alone in fear when they held him down on the table.. but I also didn't want to be there and have that image in my head of my little boy going through something no little boy should ever have to go through.  Rene and I stepped out of the room and immediately clung to eachother.  That was our baby in there.. our very sick little boy and we just left him in there alone.  That is when his screaming began... his cries for us.. his wailing and terror.  We walked further down the hall... Nope.. we could still hear him.. we walked out of the ER exam room area.. his cries were fainter but we could still hear him..  I just wept.  I wept for my little boy, feeling his pain and his fear as his crying got more hysterical.   My heart broke.  I didn't think it could ever break.. but once again, more pieces shattered.