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Who can plan for it?  What parent can fathom the pain?  Who can prepare themselves for the long journey ahead when you don't know where to start... why it happened or where to begin.  How can you look into the eyes of innocence and confusion and feel numbing pain fill your soul?

It started out like any other Flu... It was New Years Eve 2010...  We were getting ready to have a quiet party at home when the puking began.  We began our "sick" routine of lining the couch with "puke blankets" and grabbing the puke bowl.  I wanted to keep our little 2 month old baby girl, Tenley free of Flu germs so that I wouldn't have two sick kids so Rene (my husband) offered to sleep downstairs with Hudson while Tenley and I slept upstairs.  We rang in the New Year apart.  There was no party, there was no New Years necklaces or fizzy pop, there was no count down cookies.  Little did we know that this flu, unlike other times, had triggered something in Hudson that could never be reversed.  This time he would come out of this flu a different boy.. this time his life would be changed forever.  But none of us knew.

I thought it was because he was dehydrated... I thought it was because he was so sick the week before that his body needed it, that he was making up for the days he was sick.  I thought nothing of it as jugs of juice were drank in one day.. a whole jug of juice for one little 3 year old.. or a whole 2 litre of milk in one day.... and than his constant peeing.  I got mad at him and a bit frustrated when he kept complaining over and over that he had to puke... which I now know were all symptoms of something that had never even crossed my mind!

All I can say is that I am beyond grateful to my brother - in - law, who as we were telling him of how Hudson was feeling was mentally putting two and two together.  He mentioned of how he knew of a family who's child also had those exact same symptoms and was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes.  This was at 9pm.. when all the clinics were closed for the night.  That was when panic crept in and where every thought turned into a prayer.. a plee for the life of someone so small.

The next day was all a blur.. What was once Hudson's favorite day... a day he ALWAYS looks forward to during the week turned into a nightmare!  I took Hudson to the clinic where they decided to just be on the safe side, that they would take Hudson's blood and send it in to be tested.. just to rule out what I had already cried about that very morning.  It was the toughest moment in the world when I had to pin down my own child, who looked up at me with fear in his eyes as the lab techs began to take blood to test.  It broke my heart to see fear in his happy eyes .. he didn't understand!  How could he?  he was only 2!

I decided that maybe to make him happy, that I would allow him to go to Gymnastics... the one thing that he looked forward to the most every week.. but even at Gymnastics.. something wasn't right.. he refused to do anything.  He refused to jump, he refused to roll, he refused to run... he even turned down the monkey bars!  He just laid on the floor looking like he was exhausted.. but had done nothing..  All I kept thinking was "My baby.. my baby boy... the tests will come back negative.. you are just growing.. you just had a bad nights sleep.. you are going to be ok!"    Waiting for the call from the Doctor's office was very tense.  Finally when we got the phone call, it seemed like the whole world stood still .. I was in the eye of the storm.  We were advised to get Hudson to the Emergency Room in Lethbridge ASAP... Or he could end up in a Coma!  His blood sugar level was at 35.. a normal level for a child his age was between 6 and 10... I didn't know what to do... I just began to pack and pack.. I think I pack better when I am under pressure or in an emergency situation rather than when I am packing for a vacation... I over packed...  What if Hudson needed his comfort toys?  What if the Peds unit had no coloring books, crayons or movies... What if Hudson needed his pillow, his blanket.. his Savannah blankie ( a receiving blanket he sleeps with every night, that he named after his beautiful cousin)... what if he needed ALL his stuffed animals off his bed?! I was torn with leaving him to nap because I knew the next 8 hours were going to be brutal and very overwhelming or getting him straight to Lethbridge, which was a 45 minute drive from home.  I hated the thought of my innocent, beautiful baby boy going into a coma.. but I also wanted him rested up for what was ahead.  I phoned my husband at school and delivered the toughest news which I hope I never have to do again.. all I said was "He has it!"  what else do you say?  How do you tell the most amazing dad in the world that his son has a disease that is incurable and that he needs to get to the emergency room ASAP.. His son's life was in danger?!   Rene than rushed home.  We left our peacefully sleeping baby girl with  my mom... which took a little bit of stress off of us, knowing she was in great hands.. and waited until Hudson's nap time was over.. fearing he would never wake up.. and praying that God would cause Hudson to wake up normally form his nap..

As we continued to pack we heard a little voice coming from downstairs.. "Mommy? I'm awake!"  The best news I had heard in hours!  As my husband rushed to get a few things done before we left I did the only thing a Mother knew how to do... I took my sick little boy in my arms... his body wrapped around mine in a Koala Style hug.. and began to dance with him to the song "Still" by Hillsongs United... What else was I supposed to do?  I couldn't pray any more... God knew my heart.. God knew how I felt.. God knew I had no more words ... He knew...

We danced in the kitchen.. my cheeks wet from tears.. my heart was breaking for my handsome son who smiled up at me as if nothing was wrong.. he didn't know that his life was in danger.. he was just enjoying the moment.. enjoying the dance with his Mommy.

How do you break the news to your precious child that he was on the way to the hospital?  That he was going to endure more now than I had ever had to endure in my 27 years?  How do you tell him that it will get worse before it gets better?  You can't.  We told him her was going on a trip with Mommy and Daddy and that we get to have a sleepover.. it sounded way less scary and way more fun than we knew it would be..  I think we were trying to convince ourselves  just as much as we were trying to convince him that everything was going to be ok...